Christmas was Merry

This is a picture of the shirt Zachary wore on Christmas Eve. :-) I think everyone got the hint. We told Zachary on December 23, he was very happy and said he would make sure the baby had plenty of bottles and that daddy was going to be responsible for the dirty diapers and mommy the pee diapers. LOL

I had to go get some more blood work done this morning before I went to work. Last night Mike and I went to the Columbus Blue Jackets game - it was a going away party for Mike's friend Jerry who is leaving January 2 for an 12 month deployment in Iraq. It was nice seeing all of Mike's friends gather together. I feel bad for Jerry because he's going to miss his little girl's first birthday in June. :(

We were glad to see all of our family and friends the past few days. I am praying 2008 turns out to be a much better year than 2007 was.

Saying a Prayer

Saying a prayer for my cousin and his wife today. They have a big u/s appointment today.
I know in my heart they will receive good news! They very much deserve it.

The answer is...Trisomy 22

1:30 p.m.
I got a phone call from the nurse at my OB office, gulp, gulp..they said they would only call IF there was something of concern to discuss with me. She transfered me to my doctor, she told me the results were back on the baby, Trisomy 22. Which is a chromosome defect. (see description below.) My baby had absolutely no change of survival outside of my womb. She told me it is one of the most common reasons for a miscarriage in the first trimester. As much as I wanted my baby to be healthy it is a blessing the pregnancy ended when it did. If the baby had developed past the 2nd trimester then it would have caused complications for me and the baby and my attachment to my unborn child would have grown to be more than it was at 10 weeks.

I am still trying to absorb all of the information the doctor gave to me today. Since I spoke with her I have Googled and researched as much about Trisomy 22 as I could find. I am going to take it home so Mike and I can read through it and try to make sense out of all of this.

Because we know the diagnosis my doctor wants me to wait 2 cycles before we try to conceive again. She is going to refer me to another doctor in their office that handles high risk and genetic disorder pregnancies. He will be able to tell me our risk of this happening again, from what I have read online and from what our doctor told us it is very rare that it happens a second time.

Complete trisomy 22 occurs when an extra (third) copy of chromosome 22 is present in every cell of the body, where there should normally only be two copies. Cases of complete (or full) trisomy 22 are very rare. Most affected individuals with complete trisomy 22 die before or shortly after birth due to severe birth defects. Complete trisomy 22 is the second most common finding in miscarriages after trisomy 16. Survival beyond the first trimester of gestation is very rare. Early reports of trisomy 22 are thought to represent unbalanced translocation 11/22 or mosaicism, as full trisomy 22 is thought to be lethal in early stages. The syndrome causes severe malformations. Information found here.

Here are other links related to Trisomy 22:
http://www.humpath.com/trisomy-22
http://www.earlypregnancy.org/EPBM/EPBM%20V/Vol.%20V,%20Num%202/EPBM1308.htm

If anyone has any additional information about Trisomy 22 please let me know. I would like to learn as much about it as possible.

Miscarriage

I am not going to write much.

I lost my baby on Monday, June 25. I had to have a D&C to remove the baby on Tuesday, June 26.

I have no fucking clue why I lost the baby. I was 9 weeks 5 days. I'm at a loss for words to describe how I am feeling. I think I'm numb.

All I have to say is it is so unfair to have something you changed your life for, you loved and cared for with every ounce of your soul ripped away from you unknowingly. I thought I would know if my baby died but I didn't. How can I be pregnant and not know the baby inside of me was sick and dying? Mother Nature is cruel.

I don't know if I'll ever post in here again.

My friend sent me this poem. It pretty much sums every thing up as far as feelings:

Just Those Few Weeks

For those few weeks-
I had you to myself
And that seems too short of time
To be changed so profoundly

In those few weeks-
I came to know you...
And to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks-
When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight

Just those few weeks-
It wasn't enough time to convince others
How special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
And no one is morning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks-
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny unfinished baby,
Or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day
No one would, so why am I?

You were just those few weeks my little one
You darted in and out of my life too quickly
But it seems that all the time you needed
To make my life so much richer
And give me a glimpse of eternity.

(By Susan Erlin - found on the internet)